Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Deal or Steal?

This is a a little self-portrait I dashed off right after I opened our first "texting-activated" wireless phone bill. We had this cool plan where the first fifteen texts per month are free! After that, each text you send or receive only costs fifteen cents! Doesn't that sound great?! Guess how many texts my son sent or received in that first month? The grand total was 2762. Texts. In a month.

Here is a typical text "conversation" from those early days:
[Do I know this because I took his phone and read his messages? Yes!]

Her: What's that girl's name in that song?
Him: Delilah
Her: I love that song
Him: U R a dork.
Her: No U R
Him: no U R
Her: UR cuz you are lame.
Him: I am not lame b/c I am awesome.
Her: No you're not.
Him: Yep
Her: Gotta go
Him: Bye
Her: Bye
Him: Dork
Her: Dork

So here's my analysis of this interaction:

1. I think this counts as some sort of flirtatious courtship ritual, but I'm not sure.
2. I love that Delilah song, too.
3. They are both dorks.

This exchange used up our "fifteen free texts" for the month. After this he could have sent her the complete lyrics to that Delilah song, and as long as they were contained in one text, that text would cost fifteen cents. Bargain! Or he could keep it simple: "Dork!" Fifteen cents, please. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . . ." Fifteen cents. "No, U R . . . ." Fifteen cents.

So now we have Free Unlimited Family Texting, which has really changed our lives and which is not actually free, but whatever. Here is a more recent self-portrait:

I call it "Self-Portrait with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."

Image credits:
Edvard Munch: "The Scream," 1893, The National Gallery, Oslo

Dante Gabriel Rossetti: "Portrait in Yellow (Annie Miller)," 1863, The Tate Gallery, London


  1. I love you. I mean it. LOVE you.

  2. Thanks! It's nice to be loved!

  3. And your son is not now dead? Amazing. (I know he's not dead because I see his continuing posts on Facebook. Unless, of course, you murdered him in your rage and are now posting on his account in order to make it look like he's still alive.)

  4. You got off lightly. I know a family whose son racked up 1000.00 (yes!) in texting before they moved to the family plan. He also lived.....

  5. $1,000.00?!? Was that in American money?! It makes my stomach hurt!

  6. Oh, there you are! I have a very similar self-portrait of myself on my anxiety syndrome post!

  7. I love this post! It's perfect for the cocktail party!